Friday, June 10, 2016

Sometimes it's easy...

Sometimes it's easy to forget because we don't want to remember.  Sometimes we forget because it's been so long.  But the thing we have to try to remember is that not everything we thought was terrible, the stuff we thought we'd never survive, was for naught.  Every experience shapes us, every experience teaches us and every experience, no matter how much we want to forget, is part of us.

I was driving through my old neighborhood this morning and it's funny how the site of a person's backyard fence brings back memories from 10 years ago...the year my kids were young and walking the dog around the block.  The fence my daughter crashed the scooter into and banged up her knee...the mind is a powerful thing.  Don't be fooled by it, don't think it will let you forget.  It won't.  Time is like a veil pulled down over memories, it can be your friend if you are trying to forget.  But time does not heal all wounds, it just dulls the pain.  Don't be afraid to face your fears, don't be afraid to remember the hard times. They make you stronger.

I tell my kids all the time to be their own person, don't be what someone else wants you to be.  As parents it can be hard to listen to that advice because we want so much for our kids that we tend to try and control everything and "steer" our children in the right direction...at least what we think is the right direction.  And the sad truth is that you can't continue to do that and expect your kids to grow up and be free thinkers and independent people.  Young people want to please their parents.  Make it easy on them by letting them know that you love them no matter what choices they make whether you agree with them or not.  Allow them to make their own mistakes and let them know you are there for them if they need you.  Threats and ultimatums might work when they are 5 or 6 but when they are 17, 18...21? no.  Sometimes it's easy to forget they have grown up...it's always hard to let them go.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Life keeps happening

We are mortal but our souls are not.  What we see is not always what we get.  What we see is a physical form that is fragile.  Who we are is what's inside the physical body...our soul.  The soul is infinite and cannot die.  Love comes from the soul.  Life is a journey.  Each journey has a beginning and an end.  Some are easier than others, some are longer than others but when our journey is over we are reunited in a place of peace and tranquility where time is not measured.  Until then, we are to learn and experience so that we grow to be better people.  As mere mortals we do not understand why we must suffer. I do not understand why terrible things happen.  I do not understand why we make mistakes that make us suffer.  I don't understand why life changes in an instant as we are helpless witnesses to it.  Without hardship, there is no growth.   That I do know.  Sometimes I think I won't make it but I do and somehow I've grown from it.  It's not easy, it's painful and heart breaking at times.  But when you've loved and experienced unconditional love you cannot be broken.
I have a very heavy heart today as I write this post because a young woman I knew, and had the pleasure of spending time with, has gone from this life.  Her journey here has ended and we have to stay the course without her.  Many lives have been touched by her life and will continue to be.  As we suffer her loss, we remember her and we should keep site of the fact that we will see her again when our journey's are over.

This post is for Ciara Ragan whom I knew for a short time and am thankful that I did.  She had a huge personality and was loved by many.  Her spunk and love for life were obvious in everything she did.  I know that she is at peace and in a better place but that does not change the fact that I will miss her as I travel the rest of my journey.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Good Intentions

It occurred to me today, that we all answer for our actions whether we had good intentions or not.  I received an email yesterday that was not kind.  Naturally, I did not read it all but it did make me think about people and their actions.  We are all flawed, not one of us is perfect.  We do things out of anger, love, fear...It's what we do that affects someone else that we really pay for.  Sometimes we want to go back and redo what we were sure was the right thing.  You can't go back.  You can't redo.  I know I have said and done things that were not good, sometimes I had good intentions, sometimes I acted our of anger.  I do know that where my children were concerned I always did what I thought was right.  I'm guessing it's the same for most parents but perhaps it looks different for each of us and I know we don't all agree on how to raise kids.  The bottom line is that you have to face your child, your adult and grown up kid, at some point and take responsibility for how and why you did what you did.  If you were wrong....it could have devastating affects on someone else's life.  If you were right...well, then you get the warm peaceful feeling that you did good.

We all have differing opinions, I express some of mine here.  I never post here to offend anyone and if I have I apologize.  My intentions are good.

Right now, and for the past 10 months I have had a young woman on my mind.  I am not able to talk to her so I don't know how she is or if she's ok.  I was told that I was put on a list of people that she is not allowed to talk to because I'm a bad person.  My son is a bad person.  My family is not good enough to talk to her.  We all love her and miss her and never did anything to hurt her.  When I tried to ask if we could communicate with her, I was called by a person I did not know and told to mind my own business.  Thing is, I felt it was my business and that I needed to know she was okay.  So, I did what I do and that was to try and find out what was going on and see if I could help.  My story is one I had experience of first hand and also from information gathered by others.  Time will tell if I'm right or if I'm wrong...same for everyone else involved as well.  In the end,  my only concern is for the young lady...not her mother, not her father, not her aunt...only her.

So again, if I have offended you or someone you know, I'm sorry.  Very few people have bad intentions but most of the problems in the world are caused by good intentions.  They may not seem good to all of us but to the person taking the action they are doing the right thing.  However, good intentions are not always right or moral and can have devastating consequences.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Fearless

Being fearless isn't having no fear; it's moving forward in the company of fear- Cheryl Strayed

Wow.  Ain't that the truth.  Life is scary.  Fear is either a motivator or a road block and we have to choose which one it's going to be.  I've personally experienced fear in all of it's ugly forms and I can honestly say, Cheryl hit the mark when she said being fearless means moving forward.  She hiked 1,100 miles across the country to overcome her fears and in the process found herself.  Most of us make excuses for why we can't do something when in reality it's our fear of actually doing it that keeps us comfortable.  You can't accomplish anything worth while without experiencing fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of physical pain, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of making the wrong decision, fear of fear... Know that being afraid is normal, make peace with that and move forward in the company of fear.  Take every opportunity, make tough decisions, feel pain, be uncomfortable,  be the person that says "WTF, I'm going for it"...yea, you might fail, but you might succeed and you won't ever know unless you embrace your fear.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Mom

I've been called a lot of things.  Daughter, sister, niece, student, Care Bear, Bitch (hard to believe, I know), friend, BFF, colleague, Dentist, Dr. Berry, Doc, Doctor, Mrs. Berry, wife....Mom.  Moooooommm! mom mom mom mom mom, mother, mommy.  By far the most important thing I've ever been called was mom.  I learned from the best what I know about being a mom.  The rest of it comes from inside.  I've had a lot of jobs in my years as well but being a parent is definitely the hardest thing to do and do well.  Yea, being a mom is exhausting.  It's overwhelming at times.  Some days I wonder "why did I think this was a good idea?"  It's hard work!

There's diapers, vomit, spit up, getting up at all hours of the night, car seats, strollers, naps or lack there of, making meals, cleaning up after meals, doing the dishes, laundry, laundry, laundry, did I say laundry?  Picking up everyone's things and cleaning up all the time, grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, sports practices, tournaments, games, clothes and equipment purchases, birthday parties, friend overnights, lunches for school, homework, social drama,  illness, ER visits, and of course there's the 24/7 connectivity with the cell phones.  I've also found that mom's are really the only people in the world that can change the toilet paper when it runs out.  So that's a full time job...on top of the paying job.  Yep, a lot of mom's have a day job as well.  WOW, who would want to do all of that??  Me.

If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about.  If you are not a mom you're probably feeling relieved right now!  My 3 kids are the most important people in my life.  They are all special and unique and I have so much love for them I can't put it in words.  My life would not be complete without the chaos they create.  Crazy as that sounds...they keep me going on my darkest days, they keep me focused on the big picture and I am grateful.  Every day I am proud to be their mom.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there who know exactly what I'm trying to say here and may you feel as lucky and blessed as I do.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Happiest Place on Earth

Not mentioning that Shawn left with a cold, Kevin's car incident, Zach getting gouged in each eye on separate occasions once by each sibling, me getting Shawn's cold half way through the trip or Hope getting the stomach flu on our last day there we had a GREAT time!  Just returned from you guessed it...Disney World!  I love Disney.  Yes, I'm a Disney freak.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  It's a magical place...never mind the crowds, the people watching is most certainly magical.  I still have fairy dust in my hair and I'm going to keep it there as long as possible.  The coolest thing about going to Disney for me is that I really do forget everything back home.  It's the one time I can do that.  This trip was extra special because my oldest son graduates in May and it was our last outing with him before he leaves home sniff sniff, we all spent each day together and I have great memories of the togetherness, laughing, talking and just being with each other.  I know this is the end of our family vacations with just the 5 of us because my kids are growing up and going their own way.  I'm looking forward to the future with girlfriends, boyfriends, the fiance and then the spouses but I do have a heavy heart today full of memories of my kids growing up and all the once in a lifetimes that entailed...Yea, we had some issues but this trip was really special to me and it was absolutely MAGICAL.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Selfless

The reason we are here together in this lifetime is to be selfless and give to others expecting nothing in return.  Not just to love the ones we know, but to love those we don't know.  Being kind is sometimes difficult especially when we get all caught up in our own lives and our own perceived problems.  We can often only see with tunnel vision and are missing the big picture.  People always want more...more money, more time, more weight loss, more beauty, more vacations, more house, more car, bigger, better everything all the time.  Stop.  Just stop and look at the world around you.  Make a difference in someone else's life...someone you don't know.  Be selfless.  When you stop worrying only about yourself and what you have or don't have and start seeing that you have so much that you are wealthy beyond your wildest dreams, not with money but with love...your life will change and changing the lives of those around you is so rewarding you will be content.  Isn't that what we are all after?  Make a real difference and touch someone's life in an unexpected way.