Saturday, June 29, 2013

Waiting

I'm waiting for the sun to come up.  I'm waiting for the next thing life is going to send my way.  I'm waiting for answers.  I'm tired of waiting.  When you think about it, that's all life really is...hurry up and wait for the next thing to happen.  Plan if you can, hope for the outcome you expect but try not to be disappointed or even devastated when you get something altogether different.  It's a gamble...life is.  You don't get a choice if you want to play the game or not so be strategic and smart about it but know that there's always risk and you can't control it.  We think about what we want, we figure out the best way to get it, the best way to make it through with the least amount of pain or failure.  Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we don't.  But every decision we make could go either way...literally, on a daily basis.  Fear of making the wrong decision sets things into slow motion and the agony of waiting to see what will happen increases ten fold.  So now, you're waiting but it feels like years instead of days.  Awesome.  Every day is a waiting game, when we get an answer to one thing then there's another decision to be made soon after and the waiting begins again.  I hate waiting...it means you have to master patience and that's the P word.  The best way to wait for something to happen is to be in the moment.  Time becomes irrelevant as you focus on the now, you're no longer waiting...you're just enjoying.  Waiting is really a non productive activity...I'm going to do something more productive when I find myself waiting...Isn't that what the ipad mini is for??

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

simple is better

Yes, I'd rather be a simpleton than worldly.  I think you experience more of life when you focus on small successes and not excesses.  Things we think are trivial are really huge...the smell of the grill and the sound of the squirrels running up and down the trees in your back yard, sounds of rain falling and a cool breeze, your mom cooking you your favorite meal, laughter from the dinner table, getting into bed at night, soaking in a hot bath, kissing your dog (or cat) straight on the lips, watching your kids play the various sports they love and marveling at how grown up they are, going through your pictures and recalling moments otherwise forgotten, closing your eyes and smelling freshly mown grass, enjoying your first cup of coffee in the morning while everyone else is asleep, reading a book you just can't put down, hanging out with your BFF, helping someone else in their time of need.  These are just some of the simple things in life that money can't buy yet are priceless.  Don't lose sight of how important simplicity is or you'll get lost in a complicated world.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

good things

Let's see...what good things have I gotten from the last year of my life?  I know how to use Quickbooks, I know how to do payroll, I have met some really great people and I don't hate dentistry anymore.  That last one is huge because that's what I need to do for the next 15 years or so.  Anyone need a filling?  Wow, what a ride I've had...CRAZY!  Lessons have been learned (expensive ones) and experience has been gained so that's good.  I've made new friends, some of whom are along for the crazy train ride, unfortunately.  It's weird when you are happy and sad at the same time for people in your same situation, we're always telling each other "I'm sorry you have to go through this nightmare" when we ourselves are going through it too!  Happy to know you aren't alone, sad that your friend is suffering....strange.  As I'm writing, I keep thinking of the bad things and I have to remind myself "I'm writing about the good things, jackass"....but it goes to show you how easily we focus on the bad things when it's more useful to focus on the good.  My family and my friends, both old and new, have been there for me throughout this past year and I've realized how much they love me and care about me...you can't put a price on that.

Monday, June 17, 2013

love feels like a heart attack

ummm...ok?  I'm driving down the street and hear these lyrics while listening to the radio.  I'm not sure if the artist who wrote the song has ever had a heart attack but I'm doubting it.  Love is like shooting pains down your left arm?  I don't think so.  Sometimes love is a pain in the ass but I'd rather have a pain in my ass than a cardiac arrest.  Just sayin'

On second thought, I love my children and they give me multiple heart attacks on a daily basis so maybe this singer dude is on to something.  Somehow I don't think he was singing about his kids but I'm starting to relate on some level to what he's saying.  Anyone else have a son that will sleep through world war 3?  His alarm actually shakes his bed and sirens go off...gives me a heart attack every morning but he's cool with it, sleeps right through it no problem.  Trying to wake him up is like moving a downed tree that's blocking your path in the road.  My daughter's room looks like a tornado just went through the house and the eye of it was in her room...not joking.  It gives me heart palpitations to stand in the door way much less if I have to venture in for some reason.  Then there's the time Zach got a knee to the face in a game of dodge ball...never mind, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack just thinking about this stuff.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Patience

The P word.  I don't have the patience for patience.  It's very annoying.  I am not patient, ok?  accept it and try to deal with it.  I don't know why things can't just happen quickly.  Do it, get it done, it's finished.  Easy peasy.  Once I decide to do something I would like for it to be done in the next 60 minutes.  Buying a house, selling a business, buying a business, closing a business, getting a car, applying to colleges, planning a vacation, painting a room, getting new carpet, throwing a party, figuring out the direction your life should take...etc.  There's too much time required to execute a plan.  I'm tired of thinking, researching, planning, second guessing and dissecting.  Now a days, the second guessing part is what I do most and it's trying my patience (what little bit I had in the first place).  The P word.  I'm not good at it, never have been.  Yes, I know it's a virtue...they might as well call it "hurry up and wait for something to happen."

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Life is over rated...

lyrics in a song I heard on the radio.  So I started thinking about it...not sure if life is over rated but I know of a few things that are.  Expensive toilet paper is over rated.  Timeshares are over rated.   The entire Twilight series is over rated.  But life?...the alternative, I would guess, is death so I think I'm good.  Is life fun?  not always but it has its moments.  Is life easy?  Hell no.  Is it worth sharing?  absolutely.  I think the key to life is living it well, the best way you know how.  Taking risks even if it means you could fail.  Trying new things and meeting new people whenever you can, even if it makes you uncomfortable.  Because without those experiences, and a myriad of others, then life IS over rated...there's no point.  The crappy part of life takes the fun right out of it, doesn't it?  I guess it's not all about fun or even being easy.  It's the things we learn and the people we touch along the journey that make it worth it.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Decisions

I'm sick and tired of hard lessons.  I don't want anymore hard lessons for myself or anyone I care about.  I also want to win the lottery... I don't know why I didn't win that 400 million a few weeks ago, I just don't get it.  Decisions decisions decisions, that's all life is...I don't mind it unless I make the wrong decision and then it's just not okay!  enough already!  I would like to have one week where I don't have to think about what to do, when to do it, if it's the right thing to do, who I'm going to do it with, and if doing it will screw up the future for me or someone else.  It's like playing Russian roulette on a daily basis...stop the madness.  Who am I kidding?  That's the reason we are here.  Making decisions and learning lessons, hard or otherwise.  That's the point and that's how it's going to be until we are done with this life.  It's HOW we live that matters.  I don't know how some people are able to sleep at night but I guess without them, the rest of us wouldn't be learning the hard lessons.  I'm making sense to myself, I'm sorry if I'm not making sense to you:)
My friend posted on Facebook "you will never get what you truly deserve if you remain attached to what you're supposed to let go of"...it stuck with me.  What do I truly deserve?  I know what I hope I deserve but does that mean it's in my future?  I know I need to let go of fear, that's my big obstacle right now.  I'm afraid of making the wrong decision for my future and the future of my family.  It's a big load to carry around every minute of every day and I need to let it go and trust that God will guide me.  No more lessons for me right now, okay God?  I need a respite, I'm asking on paper (virtual paper still counts) so it's down for the world to see...

Isaiah 41:10  Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your god.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

My Son

I try to tell him that people don't always say what they mean.  Sometimes you have to read between the lines.  Unfortunately, that skill comes with age.  Humans, in their infinite wisdom, do not know how to communicate well.  Crazy to think it but it's true.  Fear comes out as anger and love comes out like disdain.  It's so much easier just to say what you mean "I love you and I'm concerned"..."I'm afraid for you".  Young adults are not wise or worldly but we can't expect them to be.  When you love a young person it can be painful and scary.  The love and need to protect are so overwhelming that at times we say the wrong things or do the wrong things in a pathetic attempt to ward off life's lessons.  It's impossible to steer the ship if you will, to chart the journey for anyone else, no matter how hard you try.  It's their journey and they are destined to take it.  We can be there when the road gets rough but we can't get rid of the bumps.  Letting go feels like you're dropping them into the abyss and turning your back but really it's the kindest thing you can do.