Monday, July 29, 2013

Time wave

Like a wave in slow motion, time keeps rolling on.  It touches everything and everyone in its path.  You are powerless to stop it, instead you have to let it wash over you.  So much has happened in the two years since I went to visit my Dad in Baltimore.  It was the end of July 2011 that I took the kids and went to see him.  The night we all spent at Rehoboth Beach is tattooed on my brain...the boardwalk, the smell of the ocean, the meals we ate, the iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts.  I stayed with him for a week.  We talked on the porch at night, I made him key lime pie, he took us to the diner we loved and for dessert, snow balls from the stand down the block.  That trip was perfect.  It was the last time I ever saw him.  He died 2 days after I returned home.  I woke this morning missing him very much and marveling at all that has happened under the wave of time.  How my kids have grown, how my life has changed, the places I've been both physically and figuratively.  I like to think that he is with me and that he knows my pain.  Grief will crush you like a rock if you get under it.  It's a constant battle to stay present and just be.  Today, I wish I could reverse the wave of time and have it go backwards instead of forwards.  I could sit with my dad one more time on his porch, make him one more key lime pie and hug him one more time before I left.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Just one cup

Get over it.  He's not going to use just one cup.  My girlfriend told me a story about how a younger woman was annoyed with her live in boyfriend because he uses  several cups throughout the day and leaves them everywhere.  LOL...if that's the worst of it girly, you are doing great!  So she says to my girlfriend "can't he use just one cup?" and the answer is no he can't use just one cup.  He's not wired like that, honey.  Naturally, us older married forever gals got a good chuckle over  that conversation.  I remember I used to get upset because my husband never got me the right gift for my birthday or Christmas.  One year, I was 3 months pregnant with my first child and he bought me tons of clothes from Express..in a size XS...hahahaha (it's funny because I don't think I ever wore an XS, ever)...I was a little grateful that time because he apparently thought I looked like a tiny person.  The thing is, don't expect a man to be something he isn't and never will be (like the worlds best gift giver).  Get over that shit now or you will be very disappointed for a very long time.  After many years of marriage, I figured out that you accept the things you can't change and embrace the reasons you married him in the first place.  I've been married 22 years August 10th and I can't imagine life without Kevin.  Yes, there are times I want to scream and sometimes I do (well, maybe a lot of times I do) and I'm sure there are times he wishes I would disappear but a few minutes later we are helping each other out and laughing about something only we find funny.  Just an old married couple.  If you are looking for the secret to a long lasting marriage, here it is:  Pick up the cups and stop worrying about it.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Something I learned today

Invest in yourself and not someone else.  don't assume that someone else has better insight than you...better visions and mastery of the idea.  If you can see it and you want it badly enough, you can do it as well as anyone else.  Hard work is best invested in yourself and your own dreams and not given away to someone else.  Don't follow on the coat tails of false hopes and delusions of grandeur...nothing is easy and if it is, it's not worth it.

I tried it

Since I said I would, I did.  I tried the meditation thing.  Choosing a guided meditation that was about 15 minutes in length was a good way to start.  Meditating is definitely something you need to do more than once to become good at...I can see that it's a great way to get rid of some stress and reconnect.  Now that I've started, I'm going to try and make it a daily practice for the next 2 weeks.  Want to join me?  go to this website "Fragrant Heart" to try guided meditation for free http://www.fragrantheart.com/cms/free-audio-meditations
let me know what you think...namaste:)

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Meditation

Why not?  It certainly can't hurt right?  I've really wanted to incorporate this practice into my life.  I've read so much about the benefits of meditation and have vowed to make it happen.  It still hasn't happened.  So this morning as I was reading on my favorite news app, Zite, I came across this article called "5 things I've learned about meditation" and you can find it here http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/07/5-things-ive-learned-about-meditation-pavneet-tiwana/
After reading it, I realized that I make excuses for not meditating.  I don't know why.  Most of the time I don't even consider it and when I do, I have some reason that I can't do it.  Sitting quietly with yourself is scary perhaps?  That's a sad thought.  Really opening your mind to thought about something other than when you are going to get the laundry done or what's for dinner should be a welcome distraction.  However, I think being distracted is one of the major obstacles that keeps us from meditating in the first place.  I'm going to figure out how to meditate and see if I can come up with a plan that works for me, I'll let you know how it goes:)

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

rewind please

I want a rewind button.  Is that so much to ask for in today's day and age?  I think we should certainly be able to figure out a way to rewind life.  What better way to learn from your mistakes?  You do something you don't like, something you'd like to be able to undo or redo..so you rewind and do it over.  Excellent idea don't you think?   You wouldn't ever have to say "I'm sorry" or "crap, why did I do that?" ever again...just rewind and do it over.  I like it.  I want it.  A fast forward button would be awesome too...tired of waiting? (YES!!)  then just fast forward.  Skip all the messy, ugly details and move on.  No waiting, no wondering, no sleepless nights.  Perfect.  We can talk to each other with little tiny computers we hold in our hand, we can watch 3 shows at once on a big giant screen, we can fly through the sky while relaxing with a glass of wine...so WTF?  we should be able to fast forward and rewind without a problem.  Who do I talk to about this?  I need to find a suggestion box....