Monday, July 29, 2013

Time wave

Like a wave in slow motion, time keeps rolling on.  It touches everything and everyone in its path.  You are powerless to stop it, instead you have to let it wash over you.  So much has happened in the two years since I went to visit my Dad in Baltimore.  It was the end of July 2011 that I took the kids and went to see him.  The night we all spent at Rehoboth Beach is tattooed on my brain...the boardwalk, the smell of the ocean, the meals we ate, the iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts.  I stayed with him for a week.  We talked on the porch at night, I made him key lime pie, he took us to the diner we loved and for dessert, snow balls from the stand down the block.  That trip was perfect.  It was the last time I ever saw him.  He died 2 days after I returned home.  I woke this morning missing him very much and marveling at all that has happened under the wave of time.  How my kids have grown, how my life has changed, the places I've been both physically and figuratively.  I like to think that he is with me and that he knows my pain.  Grief will crush you like a rock if you get under it.  It's a constant battle to stay present and just be.  Today, I wish I could reverse the wave of time and have it go backwards instead of forwards.  I could sit with my dad one more time on his porch, make him one more key lime pie and hug him one more time before I left.

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